Tag Archives: Happiness

Being thirty something….

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I turned 31 this 7th. I can’t claim to have embraced the fact with whole my heart. Weeks leading up to the date were filled with dread, depression and unexplained complaints. While some of it could be contributed towards events occurring around me, but most of it was caused by the terror that had set deep within.  Suddenly I was very aware of the time slipping away with so much yet to be done.

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I couldn’t keep calm till I decided to do something different this year. Instead of the usual gift of books this year I decided to give myself 30 days of anti-procrastination campaign. I started on 8th of this month and I have still a few days to go and I can’t believe how much I have done in past few days.

I sat down and made a list of things that seem to be weighing my down. Like unfinished art works, projects around the house, Promised portraits that are yet to be delivered, My “Master the  German” dream and phone calls that I have dreaded to make.  The list goes on and on.  My days seem to have taken a new life as I sit and make plan for the things to be done the next day. Routines are getting established as each task is seamlessly finding its way in my things-to-do that day.

I am writing this down here so that I never forget, how happy I seem to be getting, in “being thirty something” with each passing day.

**only words are mine, image is thankfully borrowed from “http://www.whatwordsdoyouwear.com/2010/07/01/write-to-do-lists/”

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Questions and more…

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Have I struggled enough,

I ask myself,

or have I just endured?

does my silent-suffering,

makes me noble,

or was I suppose to kick back more?

I too bear the ugly scars,

then how come they don’t tell tales?

or being beaten, is not quite as much fun,

as fighting tooth and nails.

Life is mean,

and End is real,

but that’s no reason to not have soul.

being in ditch,

brings no glory,

unless I find my way out of hell hole.

Li’l things!

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It’s amazing how we go through life, wishing for all the big things/days, or defining moments, that will change our
lives. Starting from, Learning to walk or may be just growing up faster, First day at high school, first date/kiss, Graduation day, Getting married, hopefully not getting divorced and having kids and the list goes on….

But really?

Is it really on these days/moments that we turn into someone new?

Sure, we do get to change last name (if you wish) or get a title (if you are a doctor), but apart from that, does any of this really change anything?

I keep wondering, how, there are millions of little things, that make us who we are and yet, we never seem to be  aware, of them even happening!

I mean, I waited, and I really mean, ‘standing on one foot, holding my breath’, waited, for the life to happen somewhere in past 29 and a half years, but strangely enough I neglected every single minute I was living it.

And it applies to every thing, Like, men think, they need to buy pearly necklaces, for their woman to be really happy, when she might be just as content, in being asked out for a cup of coffee once in a while by the same man she’s been married to, for as long as she can remember. Similarly, a woman may be killing herself in the gym to stay sexy, to be wanted, when all she needs is, to be happy and smile, to attract a decent bloke.

Every couple wishes for their kids to do big things in life, they aren’t even born and the blue print of whole life is already set for the poor little kid.

Why? Why, is it so important for every thing to happen at a grand level?

Why, we don’t seem to understand that, the gravity was discovered, in a quiet moment, under an apple tree or how a single seagull led to spit fire, hence changing the world history.

There is nothing wrong in wanting to reach stars, but its the desire to leap, It’s, forgetting, that it takes millions of tiny little steps to get there, is what leads us to the unhappiness we feel.

**Only words are mine. Image is thankfully borrowed from http://mysite.verizon.net/vzepir4z/footprints/index.html

Dear God, Are you listening?

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Do you believe in GOD??

I know, just yesterday I posted about Sex, Porn and Other stuff and today I am starting with the second, wait, may be THE most controversial thing/Person/Power in this world (No offence intended, GOD).

No, I am not trying to Mock anyone, especially not the Almighty here, for I sure do believe in him and that he is definitely male.

Now, how else would you explain all the complexities he has put us, the feeble women through. I don’t see any man having mood swings. I only see them Switching between, Eat, Work, Sex and Sleep, oh and yes laugh at stupid #$%^#& Fart Jokes, not necessarily in the same order.

Don’t think I am PMSing here and taking it all out on GOD and all his male kind. I am just sick and tired of going through this emotional upheaval every other day. One day I am riding the high horse and the very next I can barely drag myself out of my sack.

I am _ _ years old, well lets just say I am not a young-one any more and I am tired of,‘still trying to figure myself out’ act.

I say, Dear Lord! you better sort this whole thing out for me or I am gonna get you, sooner or later, I am gonna get you Good!

My Happy Place!

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Till couple of days back, I couldn’t start my day without reading my Horoscope for the day. I did nothing but read through those dreamy words and spent time wondering about all that was possible in future unknown. Now, I just realized, I have forgotten, what once was almost as important as breathing because I am busy writing my own fate.  I again had to step out today for a useless journey, I am still warm with the fever from the night before, covered under layers of cloths, travelling in this busy metro (subway), I still couldn’t stop myself from  penning away. Finally I have found that 1 thing I can’t do without, making my life a happy place.