Tag Archives: Relationships

Grown ups!

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In my younger years, I couldnt wait to grow up!

Grown ups knew every thing!

They were not afraid of anyone and neither did they lie!

Grown ups didn’t make mistakes and best of all they didn’t have to do the homework!

Truth ironically, turned out to be way different than I thought (just like most things!).

Grown ups don’t have it easy in any thing!

Sure they don’t have to worry about pety homework, but their entire life is defined by the work they have to do most part of their day. They constantly lie. They make mistakes that probably have higher impacts then they themselves are aware of and without even knowing they are creating a new world for us every single day.

Take parents for example, I have cribbed for years for the mistakes my parents have made in bringing me up, from the frailty of my body to the constant emotional upheaval of my mind. The choices I have made or basically who I am, is impacted so much by who my parents are.

Aren’t parents suppose to know it all?

Yet, they and yes, I do mean all of them (good or bad) scar their children for life. Some with the abuses the child didn’t deserve, others  with love that child got without working hard.

But then, whatever I am today, it is because of where I have been and who have raised me. All my scares, good  or bad, make me an individual. Individual, my parents are proud of.

Now a days every thing I do, I keep in mind, its My job, to let go of  things that pull me down and polish the goodness my elders have worked so hard to instill in me.

So if I could go back in time, I would give my parents a break from all the silly complaints and tell them, what a fine job they have done in raising us all. (I do it now as often as I can)

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Life’s ways!

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Couple of years ago, I took the low road and succumbed to the easy way out.

We all do that, on day to day basis, don’t we? and mostly there is no harm done. However in my case, I made my situation worse and took another friend down along with me. While the experience itself was painful, shattering and stained with lots of guilty tears, It helped me shape into who I am today and that ways it ended well for me. But in the process I lost a friend and  felt really bad for hurting a nice soul.

No matter how hard I tried to make the mends, it always resulted in exchange of harsh words. Some how this person was capable of bringing the worst out of me. I could lash out with insults I never knew existed and in result ended up being wounded even more. I was somehow convinced that I was the bad one and the other person was the victim here.

Till about last year, after another failed attempt at reconciliation, I took a step back and finally decided to let it all go. May be I was not the only one to be blamed and may be not every bridge can be mended again. I vowed to not make things any worse and prayed every day for the strength to carry on.

While it worked for me, it seems this dear friend of mine is still not able to let go. Every couple of months I get insults swinged at me, and unlike in the past, I am easily able to dodge.  I don’t feel the need to prove a point or hurt back any more.

Just the other day I got another note, wishing for me to burn in Hell and So intense was the need of this person to hurt me hard, that the poor soul couldn’t even frame the words right. I always used to get so hurt reading the words addressed to me that no decent person deserves to hear, and today all I feel is compassion for the person, who must be so overwhelmed with feelings that couldn’t even wait to get the note straight.

Every day lived, especially the ones I feel were unnecessarily hard, seem to bring out the best in me. Every minute, I am given a choice to take it easy or work hard for all its worth and I try not to forget the fallen moments and work hard to make it count, even if, its just for a day.

Friends for season!

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First draft.

‘Agony aunt!’

” now, I wouldn’t put it like that!

I like to call it, more of, um, seasonal friends. ”

“Common, there is nothing fascinating about that, I just happen to attract people, um,  who seem to have a lot going on!”

“Na! I do not think my life is inspired by 27 dresses! besides, I was born first.”

“Why would you care any ways??

I am not a runner-up of a ‘Extreme make over’ or a ‘vampire chick’. ”

“Chick flick, eh! ”

“I suppose that could be done, I can recall a few chick flick moments still.”

“Hmm, lets see, well, I knew I was no different from any other 17-year-old, except that teen years had not yet decided to show up. I wasn’t decidedly ugly or shy or studious so to say, I was just, umm a kid. “

He was a Greek God to me, so gorgeous, so kind and his soft chuckles used to be highlights of my day while I was his best bud. I think that’s when it all started.  I was picked to be the side kick.

So low was my self-esteem that I was a shoulder in my own life, never daring to be the heart.

So best friend it was!

He was kind and funny, and would talk to me about every thing he felt. He had met this girl and he could never stop talking about her. Any how he was just first of many more seasonal friends to come. He was my best friend, for those few ‘summer’ months.

Then, came the next ‘fall’, and  I took my first full-time job, I know, how exciting, but It’s just, that it sucked!

I was too young to be friends with and too plain to be seen around.

Girls used to stop chattering when I came in the room, for they mostly talked about boys and I was a kid, still.

This is where I met the specimen number 2, I wouldn’t really call her a friend. She was too busy trying to look good and was too bothered to see me without any paint.

She got me my first lipper, but in exchange of helping her out.

I would have heard her out any ways, not that I was going to paint my lips black, no way!

We talked about her crush and some love triangle and months later, she attempted to kill her self.

Well, I was too young to dispense words of wisdom, but I knew movies and shopping could heal anything. so, I took her around the town, for next 2 months we had lots of fun, just trying to move on. Then I had to dump her butt when i found out it was all a stunt and she was back with the same guy again.

Yeh, you meet some of those too!

Third one was sort of serious like the cold of winters next year, for she was more than just my friend. I met her at my second job. She was 5 years elder to me and I could never take my eyes off her. Now don’t get me wrong, she was so elegant and proper, I so wanted to be like her, well, as soon as I grew up. for next few months I watched her in awe, as she taught me stuff about make up and cloths and you know, other chick stuff. In the meantime I remember, she used to talk about her secret love. I could hear her sing about, in her soft, beautiful voice in our office women’s room.

We lost touch, when I took my first real good job and moved out-of-town. But I thought of her all the time. 

Some time passed and I met more damsels in distress, while she lingered in my heart, like a beautiful smell. I really missed her, I remember wanting her approval, I wanted her to be around to see how much I was growing up to be someone wonderful like her.

In ‘Summers’, I heard her over the phone after a long time and she told me, that she really loved me and disconnected the phone. That was one crazy night, I did not know where she lived now, what had happened to her, but I knew something was wrong.

Two days later, I found out that she was serious in a hospital. Her secret love had failed her and she was broke and alone, I knew I loved her so much the instant I saw her again. For next few months we were inseparable, we went out, ate together, and did all sort of fun things. Any one who wanted to talk to her, had to go through me first. 

“Can we talk about it a little later, I have stuff to do.” I had to stop talking, feeling the pang of tears swelling up in my eye.

Why would Karen do this to me, she can be such a B%$!^!

She had told her creative cousin about my article on female friendship and now that jack ass was pestering me on the phone to know all the details to make a short film.

To be continued….

Chapter 1 | Heart and all…

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