Tag Archives: Tears

Grieving heart!

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angel-of-grief1Earlier this week  body of an infant was found in the back alley in our neighborhood. We live in a very calm n safe city, I couldn’t believe that anyone here was capable of such horrific act. it left me dumbfounded and I couldn’t get the baby out of my head the whole day.

May be I felt specially sensitive because those days my closest Friend’s new born was struggling for her life. She was born premature with a faulty heart. That little angel fought bravely for couple of weeks but gave in day before yesterday. And here I am like a fool, I can’t stop the tears from flowing. I am not a parent and yet I can’t seem to be able to detach myself from the pain of losing a child.

My heart is filled with anguish for the people who can throw away the tiny miracle of life on a dirty street like trash!

My heart can’t stop mourning for the loss of a mother who didn’t get to take her baby home!!

I firmly believe in GOD, I was raised to believe in God’s will. But for the first time in a long time I couldn’t seem to figure out his reasons and just when I thought of reminding him on how lousy a job he is doing down here, story of Bhishma Pitamah popped into my head. It felt like a bucket of ice cold water on my face. While our hearts will continue grieving for those innocent souls, I do believe now that those fallen angels are finally back home.

**only words are mine image is thankfully borrowed from http://www.counsellingtutor.com/the-4-tasks-of-greiving/

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Life’s ways!

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Couple of years ago, I took the low road and succumbed to the easy way out.

We all do that, on day to day basis, don’t we? and mostly there is no harm done. However in my case, I made my situation worse and took another friend down along with me. While the experience itself was painful, shattering and stained with lots of guilty tears, It helped me shape into who I am today and that ways it ended well for me. But in the process I lost a friend and  felt really bad for hurting a nice soul.

No matter how hard I tried to make the mends, it always resulted in exchange of harsh words. Some how this person was capable of bringing the worst out of me. I could lash out with insults I never knew existed and in result ended up being wounded even more. I was somehow convinced that I was the bad one and the other person was the victim here.

Till about last year, after another failed attempt at reconciliation, I took a step back and finally decided to let it all go. May be I was not the only one to be blamed and may be not every bridge can be mended again. I vowed to not make things any worse and prayed every day for the strength to carry on.

While it worked for me, it seems this dear friend of mine is still not able to let go. Every couple of months I get insults swinged at me, and unlike in the past, I am easily able to dodge.  I don’t feel the need to prove a point or hurt back any more.

Just the other day I got another note, wishing for me to burn in Hell and So intense was the need of this person to hurt me hard, that the poor soul couldn’t even frame the words right. I always used to get so hurt reading the words addressed to me that no decent person deserves to hear, and today all I feel is compassion for the person, who must be so overwhelmed with feelings that couldn’t even wait to get the note straight.

Every day lived, especially the ones I feel were unnecessarily hard, seem to bring out the best in me. Every minute, I am given a choice to take it easy or work hard for all its worth and I try not to forget the fallen moments and work hard to make it count, even if, its just for a day.

Onion-y Life!

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I am very, very aware of her pretty little face, right at the nape of my neck. She is breathing down on me in her futile attempt at belittling my already little self. I chose to ignore her hushed chuckles as I focus on the blade in hand. I try again, to get in the harder bitter shell.

“Arh! This is just wrong”, I hear her say, but I continue to peel any way.

I dig in my  sharp steel knife into the hardness of much awaited life. The fumes are sharp and flavor is bitter, I don’t notice when I begin to cry. I am done with hard sunny shell of becoming a baby and I can see the sweet layer of tiny steps.  I am getting impatient as I hear her snickering behind my back, I peel away the childhood and all the growing up days.

Oh dear lord!

Comes the rotten layer,  of lies, deceits and all the ugly things that come with college affairs. I wash my hands in lonely tears and get right back on my pealing race. There are sweet flavors of love, motherhood and growing old, but I am too busy getting to the core.  With every layer gone, the silence deepens,  I can’t guess why, she is no longer speaking. I feel the sadness grow, as I am left with nothing more. Surrounded by the shells and layers,  I went through life, like a chore. As I turn around, I see her sad face.  My life, looking up, as if to say,

“Yes, you are done,

but it wasn’t a race,

whatever happened to living and taking a moment to embrace?”